The Life of an Artist
by PrinceMittens
Summary: After his final art, Deidara wakes up in the middle of a desert and meets a suit of talking armor.
1. (1) Birth of an Artist

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this fic.

* * *

 _Unnnn_ … He groaned inwardly. The last thing he remembered was searing pain as the flames of his final jutsu burned into every nerve in his body. The resulting explosion must've been _beautiful_.

 _Too bad I didn't get to see it._ Deidara sighed. _Now I'm dead. At least I got that damned unappreciative Uchiha bastard._

He lay still for a few more minutes before something began shaking him. He groaned. "Go away. I'm dead."

The shaking persisted, and the metallic voice of a small child resounded in his ears. "Nii-san. Stop being lazy. Get up already."

The blonde sat up. "Wait what? _Nii-san?_ " _I have a brother?!_ He was lying in the sand in the middle of some desert.. _alive._ He turned to face the source of the voice, expecting to see some tiny kid wearing a tin bucket over his head. Instead, he came face to face with a giant suit of metal armor. " _What the hell?_ "

The giant kid-sounding thing stopped. "Wait, you're not my brother."

"And you're pretty big for someone who sounds like a kid. Un."

The kid in the giant suit of armor laughed and rubbed the back of his head. "Sorry. You look just like my brother.. except you're taller. I should've known."  
Deidara spared the thing a deadpan look and raised his palms. "Does your brother have mouths on his hands?"

The kid shook its head. "He doesn't have both hands either. My bad. But.. if you're not my brother, where's my brother?"

Deidara shrugged. "Lost, dead, I don't know."

The kid hunched his massive shoulders. "D-dead? No.. how.. I was only gone for a day.." -the kid whimpered- "Ed…"

Rolling his eyes, Deidara stood up and found that he wasn't wearing any clothes. _Shit_.

"Uh, listen. Kid. Could you lend me that suit of armor you're wearing? I'm kind of naked here."

The kid turned his eyes downward. Deidara frowned. "Yeah. You didn't need to look. Help me out here. Then we can go find your brother together and figure out where the hell I am because this sure as hell isn't the forests of Konoha. Un."

"You're gonna help me find my brother?" The relief in the kid's wavering voice almost knocked him over.

"Yeah. Now are you going to help me or are you gonna leave me standing here without a decent cover?

"About that." The thing raised its giant metal hands and rubbed the back of its head sheepishly. "I guess it's easier to show you. Please don't panic." -It lifted its helmet- "I _am_ the suit of armor."

The suit of armor examined the blonde man before it for any reaction.

Deidara stared into the empty depths of the humanoid hunk of metal. His mind turned to some of the freaks he's seen over the course of his short life. Hidan, Kakuzu, Orochimaru. Heck. Sasori himself was a living puppet. "Eh. I've seen worse. Let me in."

The piece of armor sighed and knelt, offering the opening in its neck. "Hop in."

Deidara complied. "Alright let's go."

* * *

-Intermission-

* * *

It was hot, he was sweating, and they've been walking for twenty minutes, Deidara groaned. "It's _so_ fucking hot."

"We _are_ in a desert." The thing explained. "And I'm a suit of armor. I absorb heat."

"And I'm being roasted, how the hell do you stand this."

"I'm a suit of armor. I don't feel."

"Good thing too." Deidara panted. "Cuz that would've been super awkward… wait."

"What?" The suit of armor stopped.

"Let me out for a moment."

The suit lifted its helmet and knelt, allowing its passenger to rocket out from inside.

"Ok. Now to dig up some clay from the ground. Hey. You're a suit of armor. Start digging."

"Umm.." The kid-voice hummed inquisitively. "What do you need clay for?"

Deidara bit his tongue impatiently. "I can make flying things that can take us out of the desert. Now find me some clay."

"How much do you need?"

Deidara paused in thought. "Just a handful."

The armored head nodded. "Hold on. Watch."

With quick practiced movements, the thing traced a perfect circle in the sand and crossed it with exact markings.

Deidara examined the circle carefully. "What are you doing?"

"I'm making you clay. Hold on." With the circle complete, the armor hovered its hand over it. In a sudden flash of light, a big lump of clay was sitting in the middle of the circle.

"Ok that was cool." Deidara picked the lump into his hand. A tongue lashed out from the mouth in the middle of his palm and swallowed the entire thing.

The suit of armor grimaced. "That's.. that's gross."

Deidara scoffed. "Well you're a suit of armor."

The mouth continued chewing, molding its users Chakra into the clay before spitting it out. The clay, which had been colored light brown, came out pure white. It expanded, growing larger and forming a massive bird.

The suit of armor gasped. "That's _incredible_!"

"I see you appreciate my art." Deidara smiled. "You haven't even seen the best part. Hop on."

As they flew, the suit of armor cheered. "This is amazing! Why didn't you do this earlier?"

Deidara bit his tongue. _Because all I could think about was getting some clothes on and I forgot_. "B-because I wanted to see what it's like wearing a talking suit of armor that's why. Any more stupid questions?!"

The suit of armor shook its head, dejected.

"Good!"

* * *

-Intermission-

* * *

After the excitement of flying wore off, Alphonse began to worry again. Sure he was a suit of armor and could survive some of the most inhumane conditions, but his brother, Edward Elric, was not. Edward was human. Edward could die of thirst, heat and starvation. "So uh.. hand-mouth san.."

"It's Deidara." Deidara rolled his eyes as he shivered against the wind. _Damn I need something to wear._  
"Right. Deidara-san. You think you could fly back around to that spot I found you? My brother is most likely around that area."

"And why would I do that for you, armor-san?"

Alphonse grew impatient. "My name's _Alphonse_. _Alphonse Elric_. And I'll let you wear me if you do it. Please. I need to find my brother."

Deidara sighed. "Fine. Let me get in."  
After a few moments Deidara was sitting inside the talking suit of armor again and they were flying back around to find the suit's lost brother. "Alphonse Elric.. what kind of name is that? It twists my tongue in weird ways. I don't like it."

Alphonse laughed sheepishly. "It's German."

* * *

-Intermission-

* * *

"Ah! There he is!" The suit of armor yelled excitedly, the sound of its voice echoing loudly inside.

Deidara winced. "Don't _shout_. God."

"Sorry! Land land land land! Land now!"  
"Goddamnit kid. _STOP SHOUTING!_ " Deidara frowned as he maneuvered his mount toward the little moving dot of blond hair down in the dunes.

Edward Elric looked up as a massive shadow hovered over him, the wind from its giant, white, flapping appendages giving him some much needed breeze. "Oh _thank you_ God! You've answered my prayers.. take me out of this stupid desert!"

And then he heard his brother's voice. "Ed!"

"Alphonse?" Edward quirked his brows. " _AL! Where the hell have you been?!_ I've been _dying_ here." -he sobbed dramatically- "I literally thought I'd die. Where'd you get a giant flying bird?"

"Well." Having jumped off his mount, Alphonse rubbed the back of his sheepishly. "You see.." He lifted his helmet.

Edward gaped at the familiar-looking blonde hair and fair skin. He grinned, his voice incredulous. "Oh my god. Alphonse.. did you somehow manage to get your _body_ back?!"

Then the blonde head spoke. "I'm not your brother. I'm only tagging along. The bird is mine."

"Oh.." Edward's disappointment was almost palpable. He examined the blonde head carefully. "Are we related?"

"No. Are you two from Suna?"

Two voices chimed in at the same time. "Suna?"

"Never heard of it." said Edward.

"Sorry." said Alphonse immediately after.

Deidara frowned. "But we're in a fucking desert. Un! Where the hell am I? Un."

"Oh. We haven't properly introduced ourselves." Edward smiled professionally. "My name's Edward Elric. I'm a state alchemist and am known commonly as the 'Full-metal Alchemist'... That's my brother Alphonse Elric, but you probably already know that. We're heading to the Amestrian Town of Reole. We'd be extremely grateful if you'd give us a ride."

Deidara's mind balked. This was the desert and he wasn't in the Land of Wind. That means he wasn't in the same continent he was in when he'd activated his ultimate piece of art. Or at least, not in the same time period. Something wonky like time travel was _always_ a possibility. _I'm alive right? Anything's possible_. And he wasn't an S-ranked criminal anymore. He could start fresh. Deidara grinned. "Hop on. Where is this.. 'Amestrian Town of Reole?'"

"Due East. We should see it when we get there."


	2. (1) Introduction to Artistry

Disclaimer: I don't own Deidara or any of the characters from the Full-metal Alchemist franchise.

* * *

Standing at the very edge of the flying bird, Edward had to admit. This was _really_ cool. He cheered loudly, letting his voice carry behind him as they flew through the air at breathtaking speed.

Alphonse watched his brother with consternation. "Ed. Stop sitting so close to the edge. You're going to fall off."

Edward grinned. "No I won't. I'm _highly_ trained in the art of speed, balance and strength. I won't fall that easily." He backed away from the edge, the adrenaline still rushing in his blood. Flying was _awesome_. "Hey, person wearing my brother. What's your name?"

"Deidara."

"Last name?"

"Don't have one."

"Ah." Edward crossed his arms and nodded understandingly. "An orphan. We're orphans too. Or at least.. we think we are. We're not sure whether or not our father is dead. Anyway, where's this Suna you're talking about? Is that where you're from?"

"Suna's a hidden village." Deidara replied. "And it's not where I'm from. My turn. What's a 'state alchemist'?"

Edward quirked a brow. "You made this bird right?"

"Yup." Deidara nodded. "All me. Un."

"You don't know what alchemy is?"

"Obviously not."

"Let me explain it for you." Alphonse sighed inwardly as his brother took on his lecture mode. "Alchemy is the ancient metaphysical science of altering matter using natural energy. Combining the ability to restructure matter and the precise knowledge and _total_ comprehension of said matter, an alchemist can create anything from anything as long as he operates within the bounds of equivalent exchange. Equivalent exchange is a law of matter which entails the conservation of-"

"Ok." Deidara interrupted. Whatever the hell the kid was talking about, it probably had to do with what his suit-of-armor brother had done to get him clay. "You draw a circle and you make things appear. Poof. Got it."

"Yes." Edward grit his teeth in irritation, having been pushed out of his lecture-mode prematurely. "I make things.. _appear_." He crossed his arms and muttered under his breath. "Luddite."

Missing the last word, Deidara had a sudden idea. "Hey. Could you make me some clothes?"

 _Clothes?_ Edward shot an inquisitive look at the blonde head sticking out of his brother's metallic body. "What do you need clothes for?"

Deidara rolled his eyes. "Because I don't have any clothes.. obviously. You don't think I'm wearing this giant clunky suit of armor because I want to right?"

 _Giant clunky suit of armor.._ Alphonse drooped dejectedly. _My name's Alphonse._

Edward frowned, unaware of his brother's thoughts. "Well if you'd let me finish explaining, you'd know that I can't make things out of thin air. In order to make you clothes, I'd need something of equal or lesser value - usually gauged by size and density of matter by the way. Now if you had only _listened_ -"

"Alright. Geez. I get it. I should've let you finish telling me whatever the hell you wanted to tell me. So can you make me some clothes or not?"

Edward pouted as his nostril flared. "Why?"

" _Because._ " Deidara scowled impatiently. "I'd be _butt-naked_ if I didn't have this thing you call your brother to help me keep some sense of decency. Do I also need to remind you that _I_ am the one who's steering this thing that we're flying on?"

Edward crossed his arms and grumbled. "Fine. But I'm only doing it so my brother doesn't have to deal with your crap."

He pulled off his mantle and tossed it onto the white surface of the bird's main body. After clapping his hands together, he put a hand onto the piece of cloth and transformed it into a cloak. "There. That's the best I can do for you."

"Wow. You didn't even draw a circle." Deidara stepped out of the suit.

"Well if you had just _listened-_ "

"Why is it pink?"

Edward grinned. "What? You don't like pink? I thought since.. you know.. you kind of look like a girl, you'd.. _appreciate_ that particular shade of color."

Deidara frowned as he pulled the pink cloak over his body. "Yeah well. I'm told I look just like you.. except that I'm taller. So you can take your-"

The rest of his sentence was drowned out by angry pubescent noise.

* * *

-Intermission-

* * *

After a couple more hours of flying, their destination finally loomed into view.

 _About time_.. Edward crossed his arms. "Alphonse. Tell him that we're about to arrive. We'll need to land outside of town or we'd cause a ruckus."

Alphonse would've frowned if he could. "Ed.."

On the other side of the bird, Deidara sat cross-legged, facing away from the direction in which they were flying. "Well tell your height-sensitive brother that I'm going to land in town and cause a damn ruckus anyway unless he changes my cloak to something that isn't bright _pink_."

"Deidara.." Alphonse waved his hands in a placating gesture.

" _Fine._ " Edward stood and began walking toward the stubborn blonde man.

Deidara grinned and stood. "I want black. Put a few red clouds on it too."

Gritting his teeth, Edward clapped his hand together. "You still look like a girl."

"And you're still _short_."

Edward unclasped his hands and turned away, crossing his arms. "I guess you're wearing pink then."

Deidara twitched. "Then I guess we're landing in town."

"Yup. And you're doing it in a pink dress."

"It's a _cloak_."

Edward shrugged. "Can't really tell the difference."

Deidara bit his tongue. "Fine, I'll _land_ the damned thing outside town. Just.. make this into something that doesn't look like a disgusting pink dress."

Arms still crossed, Edward remained turned with his back against his newest nemesis. "And?"

Deidara sighed. "And you're not short."

"Done!" Edward turned back, wearing a smile of victory. With a quick clap of his hands, the cloak changed into a dark shade of midnight black.

Picking at his new cloak, Deidara frowned. "Where are my red clouds?"

Edward shrugged and turned away. Just as he was sitting down, he heard a word carry softly into his ears.

"Midget."

* * *

-Intermission-

* * *

"You're such a kind girl, Rose. May Leto bless you in whatever you endeavor to do." The old woman bowed.

Rose smiled. "The pleasure is mine. May Leto bless you too."

She made her rounds, passing out clothing and alms as she helped to spread the word of Leto. A sense of satisfaction tingled down her spine. Ever since the priest of Leto had descended unto the little town of Reole, things had brightened. High Priest Cornello had been a boon to the ailing town, providing it with much needed aid and sustenance. The crisis it'd faced had been alleviated somewhat. The people had water again. The town had rejoiced, praising the man who'd cured them of their drought.

Rose began to hum as she walked through the center of town. Cornello, the man who could turn water into wine and create water out of nothing, he'd promised her that he'd revive Cain. It was a work in progress, but any progress was better than none. She would see her Cain again if it was the last thing she did.

Rose turned her head up to the sky to send a prayer to Leto and gasped. A massive white bird hung high in the air, its enormous shadow blotting out the Sun. The citizens of the plaza turned up their heads and began to panic. Explosions flowered into the sky above them, too high to cause any damage to the town, but strong enough to thunder a powerful gust down to the ground.

' _What is that?!'_

' _Oh Leto have mercy!'_

' _Someone get Cornello!'_

' _We're doomed!'_

The citizenry wailed in despair as the massive white monster descended into the plaza.

The air calmed as the thing settled down. The white monster.. it was actually quite a beautiful looking bird. Rose stared in shock. A woman in a frilly pink dress leapt off the top of the bird, landing lightly with a self-satisfied grin on her face.

She was quickly followed by a man in a giant suit of armor and a young boy of short stature.

The boy glared angrily at the woman and yelled in a scratchy voice. "Did you _have_ to do the explosions?! You've just made everything ten times _worse_ than it already _is!_ "

The woman smirked. "You just don't know how to appreciate artistry. Un."

Rose furrowed her brows in confusion. That was a _man's_ voice. And the man.. the woman.. the man-woman was approaching her.

Rose trembled but held her ground. _Leto protect me_.

The man-woman sighed, its face resigned. "Can I please get something to to wear? Something manly.. anything but this."

Swallowing her fear and confusion, Rose slowly reached into the basket of clothes she'd been distributing among the poor and handed the man - for it was clearly a man - what he asked for.

"Thanks." The man blew a breath of relief as he pulled the pants up before tearing the dress off his back. Rose's eyes flit over his upper body. The man was _extremely_ attractive.

She looked away as he pulled himself into the shirt she'd given him.

Deidara tested the loose fabric of his too-large shirt and smiled. "Now what do I owe you?"

* * *

-Author's Ramblings-

* * *

Edo... wardo…

Edo.. wardo..

Edo-wardo.

Onii-san?


	3. (1) Art in Small Doses

Disclaimer: I don't own the Full-Metal Alchemist series or any of its characters. Neither do I own Deidara.

* * *

"High Priest Cornello! The town is under attack by a giant white monster! It's in the middle of the plaza!" The old woman grovelled at his feet. "Please. Save us, oh mighty priest of Leto."

Cornello smiled kindly. The woman was the town's spokesperson to him, and came to him often. She was one of the most devout members to the worship of Leto. He placed a gentle hand on the woman's shoulder. "Rise, Gina. Leto will not allow such trespass go unpunished. Rest assured. I will bring the judgment of Leto down on these marauders."  
The woman stood, crying tears of relief. "Thank you, High Priest Cornello. You've always been most gracious. Reole.. Reole can _never_ repay you enough for bringing us the word and wisdom of Leto."

After the woman left, Cornello made to make preparations. The execution of the town's recent invaders was going to be as.. _public_ as possible.

The sound of tinkling laughter hit his ears as he readied his gold Leto staff. "Your antics never cease to disgust me, Cornello. You're as two-faced as ever."

"Lust." Cornello chuckled. "Disgusting and two-faced or not. It would do well for you not to forget that, although you were the one who gave it to me, it is _I_ who ultimately hold the philosopher's stone. Be careful that you don't cross me."

"Sure." Lust replied submissively. "I'll do that."

Another voice - hungry and soft - peeped out from the shadows. "Hey. Lust. Hey. Can I eat him yet?"

"No Gluttony. You can't."

"Awe." Gluttony poked a finger into his mouth dejectedly. "But I'm hungry."

Ignoring the discourse of the homunculi. Cornello took large strides toward the temple exit. _I'm going to have to deal with them soon. Those two are getting feisty.. and dangerous._

The fat man smiled. He loved nothing more than a good, double-crossing betrayal, and he couldn't wait to see the look on Rose's face when she realizes that the 'Cain' he had prepared for her was a hoax.

Then he'd have his way with her.

Cornello's smile widened into a lecherous grin. _I can't wait._

* * *

-Intermission-

* * *

"You vile invaders!" A man threw a shoe. "Leto will _smite_ you for what you've done!"

Edward grimaced and put up his hands apologetically. "Hey. Sorry for blowing your store apart. It was not intentional."

Deidara smirked. "Yes it was. Un." He received a metal elbow into a sensitive area and promptly fell over clasping his stomach. He gasped. "Your temper's just as short as-"

Edward twitched a metal foot into the man's guts. Deidara shrivelled into the ground and made keening noises. "We can fix it. I swear."

The man glared at the short blonde boy before him. "And just who the hell do you think you are?!"

"Who do I think I am?" Edward puffed up his chest and grinned. "I'm a state alchemist, that's who I am!"

The man crossed his arms and remained unimpressed. A crowd had gathered around the intruders and were avidly spectating the commotion.

' _What's he talking about?'_

' _Nothing to worry about. Leto will judge them soon.'_

' _What's a state alchemist?'_

Edward frowned. "Look, just" He clapped his hand and a surge of current ran through it. He applied the current onto the broken stall and it was mended in a flash of light. "There."

The man gaped. "Are you a priest of Leto too?!"

"As I said!" Edward put a hand to his head in exasperation. "I'm an alchemist.. a _state_ alchemist." He turned a distasteful eye to his blonde nemesis who was still shrivelled on the floor. "What's with all you backwards people who don't even know what alchemy is?"

A voice in the crowd piped in. "If you're not here to destroy our town, then what _are_ you here for?"

"We're looking for the philosopher's stone." Edward turned a sweeping gaze across the crowd and met nothing but silence and confusion. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm really starting to hate this place."

* * *

-Intermission-

* * *

"You can't stay mad _forever_."

"..."

"Hey. I said I was sorry. I'm even paying for your stew. Come _on_.."

Deidara ignored the blonde midget, sipping his food silently.

" _Fine_. Be that way." Edward turned his attention back to the man who ran the stall. "So these priests of Leto that you were talking about.. are they alchemists too?"  
The man's eyes gleamed as his voice took on a religious fervor. "Leto is the God of the Sun, but he is more than that. He controls matter and brings justice where justice is due. As for priests of Leto, we're blessed to even have one in town. High Priest Cornello has given us more than we can ever hope to repay. By calling upon the power of Leto, he's created water for our dried-up town. If the High Priest had not come with the word of Leto, we would've been forced to leave our homes or die of thirst. Truly, the High Priest's presence has been nothing but a blessing. Leto shines brightly on our little town."

"I see." said Edward.

The man nodded fervently and pointed. "You see that fountain over there?"

The three visitors turned their heads. Deidara's bird sat statue-still on the top of the fountains centerpiece.

The man continued. "That's not water coming out of it. That's wine. Through the power of Leto, High Priest Cornello works miracles. He can turn water into wine."

"Ed." Alphonse noted quietly. "Doesn't that sound an awful lot like alchemy?"

"And to be able to create water out of nothing. The rumors were true." Edward grinned. "I think this 'High Priest Cornello' is nothing more than a swindling alchemist.. _and_ he has the Philosopher's Stone." He jumped up, laughing excitedly. "Al! We're in _luck_. We've _finally_ found it!"

Instead of sharing in his brother's excitement, Alphonse put a metal hand to the chin of his helmet. "But how're we going to get the stone from him? He's most likely not going to just hand it to us."

"No. But we're top-tier alchemists." Edward pumped a fist into his palm. "I'm sure we'll be able to.. _convince_ him that handing us the stone is in his best interests."

A voice suddenly boomed across the plaza. "And how are you going to do that?"

Ed looked up to see a fat, kind-looking man staring down at him from across the plaza and scowled. _Tch! If only I were taller_.

* * *

-Intermission-

* * *

"High Priest Cornello!" The man at the stall bowed low to the ground. "I've kept these infidels occupied! They're calling you a swindler and insulting the name of Leto!"

The fat man smiled. "Worry not. I will show them what it means to face Leto's Judgment."

Alphonse walked up and bowed lightly. "We don't mean any trouble. My brother's a state alchemist. We're here on unofficial business to investigate rumors with regard to what we believe might be the philosopher's stone."

Cornello frowned. State Alchemists meant trouble. They even knew about the Philosopher's Stone. _I have to silence them quickly_. The High Priest sighed. "I've heard of your kind. These ' _state alchemists'_.. you impose your will upon the people and force them into submission, causing pain and suffering with your avarice. It is a pity that children such as you are under the influence of such an evil organization. Redemption is all but impossible. May Leto have mercy on your soul."

He raised his hand high in the air and a reddish gleam shone from the ring on his finger.

"Ed!" Alphonse gasped as several giant Leto statues came to life around them. "That's the Philosopher's Stone!"

"I've _got_ this." Edward grinned before raising his voice for the gathering crowd. "Even I could do that if I had that ring on your finger. Yeah that's right. The one with the Philosopher's Stone on it. If you think you could just come in and trick the villagers into worshipping you without repercussion, then you're seriously deluded."

Cornello smirked. "Your words reach empty ears. Every single townsperson harbors Leto in their hearts. Without me to guide them, they'd have suffered horribly. _Die, Infidel_."

The statues of Leto began slamming their hammers down on the offending blonde.

Edward sprung forward, dodging the blows with quick reflexes. "Oy! You're destroying the town that you've 'saved'. Just hand over the stone and we'll leave quietly."

"A priest of Leto will never bow to a heathen's threats!" Cornello pushed a palm against his own body. His ring flashed brightly and suddenly, the fat priest had grown to a massive size. With a roar, Cornello smashed the plaza floor with his fists, creating a sizeable and daunting crater.

Behind them, sitting at the stall, Deidara watched the his look-a-like put a hand to the earth. Following a flash of light, the ground seemed to implode and converge into a single point. Out from that point came a massive earthen fist which flew toward the shocked Cornello.

Deidara grinned. _Now_ that's _pretty cool._

Finishing the rest of his stew, he placed his left hand in a two-finger seal to activate the tiny clay bugs that'd crawled onto the fat man while he'd been giving his speech.

Diedara turned toward the person who ran the stall. "Hey. Wanna see something cool?"

The man frowned. "Just wait your turn. The High Priest will deal with you soon. One does not simply insult Leto and get away with it."

"Insult..? I haven't even been talking." Deidara rolled his eyes then smiled. " _Katsu!_ "

Across the plaza, the statues - too slow to catch the nimble State Alchemist - were being outmaneuvered. Cornello on the other hand was barely holding his own against his opponent's weird brand of circle-less alchemy.

Cornello transfigured his arm into a machine gun. It was the last thing he did as his body disintegrated in a burst of flames, the splatter of blood on the plaza's dirt floor the only trace that he'd ever been there.

Back at the food-stand, the stall-manager gaped in horror. " _What did you do?!_ "

"Lovely isn't it, the fleeting vision of flames and destruction?" Deidara stood, throwing his arms out in an exaggerated gesture. " _This_ is _ART!_ "

* * *

-Author's Ramblings

* * *

Refreshing my memory on the FMA series. Hummm...


	4. (1) Artistic Critique

Disclaimer: Deidara belongs to the Naruto people who made Naruto. All the other characters belong to the FMA people who made FMA (Fullmetal Alchemist). Basically, not me.

* * *

After her initial panic had settled, she'd found that the intruders were actually quite nice. Despite her efforts to reject them, the blonde kid - his name was Edward Elric - had stubbornly insisted to pay for the clothes that she'd given to them. The clothes had been hand-me-downs donated to the temple of Leto by the people. Not only were they generous, the travelers also had a decent sense of responsibility, apologizing for the damage that they'd dealt by their arrival.

And then the boy - Edward Elric - started performing miracles, fixing broken stalls and shattered windows with a simple clap of his hands.

So it was that when the High Priest was lobbing his accusations against them that she began to doubt. Avarice? If they were greedy, why'd they insist on paying her for the old clothes that she gave them? If they were evil, why would they apologize and help to repair the damage that they'd caused? Cornello was right. They were only _children_. He could've at least _tried_ to redeem them.

Rose had allowed doubt to wiggle its way into her mind and she hated herself for it. The man had _saved_ them. He'd performed miracle after miracle, giving them water and curing them of their drought..

High Priest Cornello had promised to give her back her Cain.

Just as she was shaking her head of her doubt, her savior, the High Priest Cornello, vanished in a burst of blood and flames.

Dropping her basket, she stared in horror for several seconds before the full meaning of what had just happened hit her.

Then she screamed.

* * *

-Intermission-

* * *

The crowd's first reaction was shock. High Priest Cornello, their priest of Leto, had been splattered onto the plaza floor like an overripe berry.

Their second reaction was rage. Cornello, the kind man that had saved their village from drought and brought hope upon their desolation had been murdered by these invaders. A few young men began making their way toward the 'state alchemist'. They would carry the judgment of Leto in the late Cornello's stead.

Ignoring the angry crowd, Edward immediately went on his hands and knees in a bout of panic. "Where'd the stone go.. _where'd the stone go?!_ "

Pushing Chakra into his legs, Deidara raced across the plaza, dodging the grasping hands of the angry crowd, and closed a hand around the scrabbling alchemist's shirt collar. "Come on. You've got other things to worry about." Without giving the blonde time to react, he leapt onto his bird with his burden.

Edward spluttered. "Wait! The stone! I need to find the stone!"

"Forget the stone. It's gone." The bird flew forward and grasped its claws around the arms of the large metal suit that went by the name of Alphonse Elric, allowing him to climb his way onto its back.

Edward collapsed onto the bird's smooth, white back as a feeling of total loss overwhelmed him. He stared down into his laps, whispering his devastation. "We almost had it. It was right there." He look up at his brother. "Al.. we almost _had_ it. We _found_ the Philosopher's Stone and we _lost_ it."

"Ed.." Alphonse pointed his head sadly at his brother.

Edward clenched his fists in anger and made his way to grab his older, more feminine-looking twin by the scruff of his neck. " _You._ You ruined _everything_."

Deidara stared into the boy's angry blue eyes. "Oy. It's just a piece of rock. What the hell's your problem?"

Edward grit his teeth and began to shout. "What the hell's _my_ problem?! What the hell's _your_ problem! You _killed_ him."

"Yeah, _so?!_ " Deidara shouted back. "He was trying to kill _you_. You should be _thanking_ me for saving your life! Un!"

"I had everything under control. Now the entire town is out for our blood. All we had to do was make him confess to his crimes. We _weren't_ supposed to kill him." Edward's hand shredded the shirt it was holding. " _And you made us lose the Philosopher's Stone!_ "

Deidara pushed the teen away. "It's just. A fucking. Rock. Un."

" _IT'S NOT JUST A FUCKING ROCK!_ "

Before their fight could take a nastier turn, Alphonse shoved the two apart. "Please. Stop fighting. It's not helping. We need to find out what we're going to do next."

After glaring for several moments, Deidara backed off and crossed his arms. "Your brother's the one who started it. Un."

Edward pushed against his brother's restraining hand and growled. " _You ignorant, girly moron_. You're the one who made us waste _all_ our time coming here by losing us the Philosopher's Stone."

Deidara smirked. "See?"

Alphonse sighed. "Ed. Being mad won't solve anything. We need to concentrate on the present. That priest is dead and Reole's in complete chaos. What do you want to do? Should we just head back to Central?"

Edward took several calming breaths and slowly quelled his rage. He sat with a harumph. "We can't just leave the town like this. It'd leave a bad image for the Amestrian government and the Alchemical Division. We'll need to turn back."

"Turn back?!" Deidara said incredulously. "You do realize that they'll try to kill you."

" _Exactly._ That's why we're turning back."

"That doesn't even make sense." Deidara sighed and the bird wheeled around back toward Reole. "I don't even know why I'm following you guys around."

Edward crossed his arms and huffed. "Neither do I."

* * *

-Intermission-

* * *

As her fellow townspeople chased after the bird, Rose ran towards the temple of Leto. Cornello had allowed her to meet her Cain several times in the past.. or at least hear him from behind the curtains. Cain was held in a special bedroom, capable of nothing more than repeating her name in his familiar voice.

With Cornello dead, Cain's progress had all been halted. She didn't care. Even if he was going to be a brainless idiot who could only repeat her name, Cain still meant everything. As long as she could live with her Cain she was happy.

With these thoughts in mind, Rose raced up the stairs three at a time toward the bedroom. She hesitated momentarily at the door before pushing it open. As she entered the room, the sound of her name sang in her ears.  
"Ro-se.. Ro-se.. Ro-se.."

The girl cried tears of joy and sorrow. Joy at the familiar voice and sorrow at her Cain's pitiful condition. She ran toward the bed, her voice slightly hoarse against barely contained sobbing. "Cain."

She lifted the curtains apart to the sight of an abomination. A bloody caricature wearing her lover's hat sat on the bed, a parrot's head literally growing out of its neck. Seemingly ignorant of the mass of blood and plumage around it, the parrot continued to repeat her name "Ro-se.. Ro-se.."

Rose collapsed to the floor and retched.

She'd lost everything. Her devotion, Cornello, and now Cain. There'd never been any hope for Cain. He'd always been dead. This thing, this shadow of Cain, had been her hope for the past several months. The sight of the monster before her demolished her hopes and her heart alongside it.

Tears fell unbidden out of her eyes as she cried her heart into the floor. "Why.. why me? Cain.. why..?"

A voice whispered eagerly from the shadows. "Can I eat her?"

* * *

-Intermission-

* * *

The crowd looked up as the bird wheeled around, landing on the roof of the Temple of Leto that Cornello had erected in the middle of town a year back.

' _Why are they coming back?'_

' _That's them! The ones who murdered Cornello!'_

' _They're only kids..'_

Landing on the roof, the shortest of the three intruders clapped his hands together and turned his metallic left into a megaphone. " **Alright people. Listen up.** "

The townspeople settled down, curious as to what the little murderer had to say.

" **First. My brother and I weren't the ones who killed your Priest, so you shouldn't be directing your anger at us! We never wanted anyone to come to harm.** "

Deidara rolled his eyes. Edward spoke the truth. Neither one of the Elric brothers had been responsible for the priest's death. As for Deidara himself, it was easy to mistake a blood relation between them, even though he wasn't really Edward's brother. The nearly identical appearance was merely a coincidence, but the townspeople had no way of knowing that. _That deceptive little midget.._

 **"Second. You've all been duped. Cornello was just an alchemist.. and not a very good one at that. If I had the red stone that he had in the ring on his finger, I could do all the same things that he did. It's called alchemy.** "

A voice in the crowd yelled up at him. "You mean this ring?!"

Edward smiled. _Success!_ " **Yes. That ring. Wait there, I'm coming down to get it. I'll show you what I can do.** " Clapping his hands, the megaphone returned to its original form.

"Ed.." Alphonse said nervously. "Be careful."

"They won't do anything to me. At least.. I think they won't." Edward gave his brother what he hoped to be a reassuring look and leapt off the rooftop, landing lightly on the stone floor. Alphonse sighed. _That wasn't reassuring at all_.

Deidara watched the little blonde plow through the crowd. "That wasn't reassuring at all. Un."

Alphonse shook his head sadly. "No, it wasn't."

Down, below, Edward was making his way toward the ring. "Alright. Coming through. Get that ring to me."

His eyes gleamed with excitement as he closed his hand around the object. He could feel the powerful undercurrent running through the stone, and his alchemist's instinct told him that he could create anything with it. "ALRIGHT EVERYONE! BACK OFF! WATCH THIS!"

The crowd gave him a wide berth.

Without even creating the transmutation circle with his hands, he invoked the natural energy of the ring. _These people are in for a show_. Edward grinned.

The stone shined brightly and cracked. With a loud clink, the thing disintegrated into tiny pieces. Edward stared wide-eyed at the crevice on the ring in which the stone had been held. "Eh?"

Deidara sighed. "Time to get him out of here."

* * *

-Intermission-

* * *

Edward sat dejectedly on the bird as they flew over the desert away from the town of Reole, whispering dismally under his breath. "It was just a fake."

"It's okay." Alphonse put a comforting hand on his brother's shoulder. "This is the closest we've ever gotten. It means we're on the right trail.. Cheer up."

Edward mulled over his brother's words before sitting up with sudden motion. "You know what? You're right. He had to have gotten that thing from somewhere. Al, that stone.. I could've sworn that it was the real thing. I thought I could make anything with it. It just proves that the Philosopher's Stone _does_ exist. We've just gotta keep looking."

"So what's this 'Philosopher's Stone' that you keep going on about?" Deidara asked, succumbing to his curiosity.

"It removes the boundaries of equivalent exchange."

Deidara scratched his face. "What's that?"

"Well if you had just let me _explain_ -"

"Never mind. I don't want to hear it." Deidara held a hand out against his fellow blonde. "Where are we going?"

Edward glared at the feminine man and crossed his arms. "We're heading to Central."

"Central?"

"Would you like to hear me explain about Central?"

"Nope."

Ed rolled his eyes. "Then don't worry about it. Just remember to land before we get into the next town."

* * *

-A/N-

* * *

Will they ever find the Philosopher's Stone? Does Deidara really look like Edward? Did I really just kill Rose? What's Central?

Find out next time on, Dragon Ball Z.


	5. (2) An Artist's Identity

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are the intellectual property of someone else.

* * *

"Colonel Mustang. There was a call from the Elric brothers while you were away. Here's a transcript."

Roy Mustang took the offered report.. "Thank you, Lieutenant Hawkeye."

The blonde raised her hand to her forehead in silent and formal salute.

"Lieutenant." Roy Mustang gave a short salute of his own and brushed past his aide. The man walked with swift, purposeful strides. There was no reason for his hurry really. There was nothing to hurry to. He had letters he needed to write, reports to read, administrative issues he needed to evaluate..

A lesser man would balk at the sheer rigor of a colonel's regimen. A lesser man would look at the stacks of paper and simply give up, spending the rest of their day reconsidering the path they had taken. A slightly lesser man would endure the first several days, riding on the zeal of a newly appointed officer before giving up.

While another bull-headed administrative leader may take all occupational burdens upon himself - losing his drive, diligence, patience and wit in the process - Roy had his tasks partitioned perfectly among his subordinates. He'd laid the groundwork for the administrative system of his area and oversaw the adjudication of some of the more important issues whenever they arose. That was the extent of what he did. Most hours, he sat at his near-empty desk, contemplating his next move, occasionally taking reports and keeping tabs on his political connections.

Very few men were capable of doing what Roy Mustang did. He was a man of great talent and perseverance. His ability to correctly and concisely gauge any number of peoples and situations and effect well-placed judgment in a timely manner made him one of the sharpest men climbing the Military's political ranks. Lesser men would cave under the utter monotony of doing Mustang's job. Mustang was no lesser man. He would do everything he could to reach the top of the bureaucracy and would be satisfied only when he'd attained the position of Fuhrer.

Only rarely did he dabble in matters that were purely of personal interest. The transcript he held in his hands, one of few to ever do so, was one such matter. He quickly scanned the paper's contents.

[START TRANSCRIPT]

'ELRIC: _This is Edward Elric, checking in with the Colonel on Reole._

FUERY: _Ah Edward. Colonel Mustang is currently indisposed. I can relay any information for you._

ELRIC: _Well.. [pause]..I'll be leaving out some details, but we're currently in the town of New Optain. We're safe and will be dropping by East City shortly.. um.. we kind of picked up this guy - calls himself Deidara - who looks like he may be related to us.. More on him when we get to East City. Also.. air travel is amazing!'_

FUERY: _Air travel?_

ELRIC: _Yeah. [pause] You'll see when we get there. It's really cool. As to what we were looking for.. we didn't find it, but we did manage to depose this swindling cult-priest in the process.. Deidara killed the priest. We didn't intend for that to happen.[pause]_

FUERY: _OK. [pause]_

ELRIC: _Yeah. That's all I have to report over the phone. Tell the Colonel we said hi. '_

[END TRANSCRIPT]'

Roy sighed. The Elric brothers really had no idea what they were delving into. The philosopher's stone - at least the ones that he knew of - was not what they believed it to be. He had information that they probably were not aware of on the matter, but he couldn't bring himself to break it to them. He couldn't bring himself to crush their hopes. Perhaps their ventures were mostly fruitless wastes of time, but that they could stumble upon something to lead them to what they were looking for was also a possibility that could not be discounted.

The tragedy that is the Elric brothers' attempt at reviving their dead mother had extremely heavy consequences - the loss of Alphonse's body and Edward's right arm and leg.

Worse, despite their sacrifices, the figure that came out of the transmutation circle had been nothing more than a living mutant - a monster. It was only thanks to 11 year old Edward's prodigious skills in alchemy that he managed to salvage his brother's life - trapping the boy's soul inside a suit of armor and performing a second human transmutation immediately after the first.

That the second attempt succeeded was a miracle. Mustang himself had only arrived in the town of Resembool a week and a half later to see the aftermath of their foolishness. His righteous fury at the boys' forbidden attempt at human transmutation had gone awash the moment he saw them. They were just children. The look in Edward's eyes and the brothers' despondent attitude were clear indications of their remorse. He didn't need to admonish them.. reality was doing that for him. Later, the hope that Edward Elric had taken upon hearing the possibility of reversing his and his brother's mistake had caused a distinct reignition of the boy's drive to live and to achieve, and Colonel Roy Mustang, no matter how political-minded or pragmatic he was perceived to be, could not bring himself to tear down that hope. Belatedly, he'd realized that his sympathy had extended mostly toward Edward - who was visibly human. Everything from the boy's eyes to his youth and anguished countenance invoked a natural sympathetic reaction. There was no indication that Alphonse Elric did not feel the same. No matter how he understood the illogical nature of the disparity on an intellectual level, Roy Mustang simply could not feel the same level of emotional sympathy for Alphonse Elric that he did for the boy's brother. It was this more than anything else which he could not accept. It was the penultimate joke to the Elric brothers' tragedy.

Roy chuckled humorlessly as he laid the transcript onto his otherwise empty desk. It'd been awhile since he'd let his mind wander on the subject. The result - he found - was often bitter. Roy sat back in his chair as he wondered just what Edward meant by air travel and who this Deidara might be.

* * *

-Intermission-

* * *

"Hey shorty. What's a 'luddite'?"

Edward hung up the phone and turned. "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING A SHORTY?! YOU LUDDITE!"

He jumped at the older, more feminine version of himself. Deidara leapt aside. "Oops. Almost got me there."

Edward made another attempt. "GET BACK HERE!"

"Not unless you answer my question. Un."

Edward struggled to contain his wrath as he failed a few more attempts to pummel his newest adversary. "A luddite is termed after a group of early 18th century workers in Amestris who-"

"Never mind." Deidara interjected. "Don't wanna know."

"GAHHH!" Edward screeched as he threw another fist at the infuriating man. "That's _it!_ "

"You missed." Deidara remarked with a grin. "Un."

Before Edward could make any further attempts, he was suddenly encircled by a pair of massive metal arms. "Nii-san.."

"Alphonse!" Edward screamed childishly as he kicked his arms and legs futilely. "Let me go! I'll break his legs and stick it on his head! GAAH! LET ME GO!"

"Nii-san.." Alphonse repeated sadly.

After several moments of riotous exchange, Edward stopped, letting himself hang loose in his brother's arms and muttering. "I'm done. Let me down."

Deidara sat cross-legged in front of the talking suit of armor to stare up into Edward's face. "Really?"

"Are you sure?" Alphonse ignored the grinning blonde and dropped his brother. He hated having to restrain Edward. He knew it hurt Edward's dignity so he did it as seldom as possible.

"Yeah." Edward replied grimly. Around them, a number of the train station's curious passersby turned their attention away. Others gawped at the massive white bird which sat roosted next to one of the benches. The bird suddenly and unexpectedly turned its head to some of its onlookers, causing a few people to jump. A couple children ran off screaming.

"Well then." Deidara jumped up. "Let's go."

"Wait." Edward replied. "Before we go, there's one thing I want to do."

* * *

-Intermission-

* * *

"Wow." Deidara slipped under a metal fist. "This is just sad." He sidestepped a kick and slapped away a flesh arm. "I mean usually-" Deidara reinforced one of his arms with Chakra, allowing it to tank a heavy-metal forearm. "-when you challenge someone-" His attacker growled, and he dodged another blow before kicking the boy straight in the chest. A string of saliva coughed out of Edward's mouth as he landed on his back. "-you don't challenge people who are at least a thousand times stronger than you are."

Edward flipped to his feet with grace and glared. "Where the hell are you even getting that number?"

Deidara shrugged. "I made it up. Un."

"OHh." Edward grinned evilly. "You're just asking for me to go all out. Don't blame me if you get hurt."

"Bring it, shorty." Deidara said smugly. Even if Taijutsu wasn't one of his strong suits, he was still more proficient than the average Chuunin. Heck, he'd fought Shinobi who moved at speeds near-impossible to catch with the naked eye. He was a superhuman killer who fought other superhuman killers as a part of his profession, and he was one of the best. Compared to normal humans like Edward Elric who knew nothing about Chakra, he was nigh invincible. Honestly, he felt bad for the kid. Edward Elric actually thought he stood a chance. Deidara frowned as he dodged the quick succession of spear-jabs aimed at him. _Edward Elric.._ He thought. _Their names are so strange._

Even as the boy began to create weapons, manipulate the ground and change the very structure of the place on which they were dueling to his advantage, Edward could not land even a single blow much to his increasing astonishment. "What the hell are you?!"

Deidara grinned as a spear blurred around him. He had to give it to the kid - he was a top-class fighter.. for a civilian. "Edward Elric." Deidara snatched the spear before it could retreat the short distance it needed to allow for another jab. He flinched as he snapped the sturdy stone-weapon in half. Just hearing the sound of these weird names roll off his tongue made him want to gag. "I'm an artist."

* * *

-Intermission-

* * *

"Rose." A familiar kindly voice reached her ears and Rose sat up in surprise.

"High Priest Cornello!"

"Hello Rose."

Rose grit her teeth. "Where is Cain?! What is this monster?!"

The portly man sighed. "The attack on me has caused quite a setback. But as you can see I am still alive. It seems Leto still has plans for me."

Rose let the words sink in. Perhaps her moment of doubt was false. Maybe Cornello had a good explanation. He was alive after all. "Please." she pleaded. "Tell me what happened to Cain."

Envy fought a smile. His guise and the girl's naive faith giving him great amusement. He turned to the bird creature. "It is unfortunate. Cain was on the cusp of being recreated. What you see here is an incomplete body. It was going to be Cain's body."

Rose frowned. "You mean you were going to revive him.. as a bird?"  
Envy attempted a kind smile and shook his head. "No. Once his soul reinhabits the thing, it would take his shape."

Rose stared for a long moment at the bird-creature wearing Cain's feathered hat. "You lie." She whispered.

Envy put a fleshy hand on the girl's shoulders. "Is not my being alive here living proof that I speak truth, Rose? Leto shines upon us."

The girl continued to stare at the bird-Chimera in silence.

Envy smiled. "I won't be able to revive Cain any longer. The extra life given to me has removed my ability to grant it to any other.. I'm sorry."

At this, the girl clung to his legs and cried. "Oh High Priest Cornello. What do I do now?"

"Rose." Envy said comfortingly as he did his best to contain his laughter. The situation was just too funny. Taking the disgusting fatman's form was definitely worth the discomfort. "Those who blasphemed the name of Leto, particularly the ones who attempted to kill me.. Leto has given you the task to punish them for their crimes. He is telling me that you have doubted him, and that to prove your faith, you will take up this task and fulfill it."

Rose shook as she contained her sobbing. An anger welled up in her guts. "What do I need to do?"

* * *

-Intermission

* * *

Envy stood at the balcony and watched as the girl - Rose - left the city on her mission: assassination.

A voice came from behind. "Why?"

"I couldn't help myself. It was too funny." Envy grinned as he returned to his favorite form. His long black hair, feminine face and even his clothes transforming to fit his tastes. "Humans are the funniest things. I wonder how long she'll go on believing the crap I just dumped on her."

Lust turned away not knowing how she felt about Envy's antics and came face to face with one of Cornello's most devout followers. The dark-skinned man let his jaws drop open. "You're not Cornello! You're a fake!"

Envy turned. "Oh no. I'm the real Cornello. Leto shines upon-"

"Can I eat him?!" Gluttony, the third Homunculi present, asked eagerly, interrupting whatever lie Envy was about to make.

"Yes. You can eat him." Lust replied.

"Well.." Envy sighed as he continued to address Cornello's follower. "Looks like you're about to be eaten."

The man took out a pistol and began to shoot to no avail. Gluttony smiled happily. "Thanks for the meal!"

* * *

-A/N-

* * *

So the last time I updated this story was July 28, 2015. Been awhile hasn't it? It's a holiday weekend and I had a sudden inspiration so here's a random chapter! Happy holidays! :D


	6. (2) A Fellow Artist

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or even the universe depicted in this fic.

* * *

The air was musty with a sort of faint metallic odor to it. On the wayside stood several buildings and warehouses, all of it surrounded by flat, square pavements and occasional lamps. There were a few sparse clusters of trees and grass planted to stave away the monotony of industrial architecture, but that didn't matter to him. He couldn't see the colors anyway.

He had important matters to think about, like - for example - the fact that he was on a walk. It wasn't often he went on walks, and he'd been waiting to go on a walk for a long time now. How long was it since he'd gone on a walk? He could hardly remember the last time he went on a walk, but right now he was on a walk and he loved it (even if the air was a bit smelly).

Unable to ignore his impulses, he ran forward with a huff of excitement. He was on a walk!

A voice suddenly reached his ears, rooting him in place. "Black Hayate. We're heading back."

Black Hayate stopped and turned to examine his alpha, wondering if he was in trouble.

Alpha didn't seem angry, but she was looking sternly at him, like she was expecting him to do something.

The puppy whined a little and barked. He didn't understand why the walk had suddenly stopped, but alpha wasn't moving. He wanted to keep walking, but Alpha wasn't moving. He wanted Alpha to keep moving. Why isn't Alpha moving?

He barked again to no avail.

"Black Hayate." Alpha said sternly, her voice striking fear in his heart.

He quickly ran toward his Alpha as he thought of the times when he'd been made to wear a leash. He didn't like leashes, and he knew if he made Alpha unhappy, she might put a leash on him again. He didn't like leashes.

"Good boy." Alpha bore her teeth and curved her lips upwards before turning toward home. "Come, Black Hayate."

Black Hayate barked happily and began to follow. They were on a walk! Again!

Alpha released several sharp, clipped breaths of air as she walked. "You seem very happy today, Black Hayate."

Black Hayate lolled his tongue. With a yip, he ran ahead at a prancing pace. The sound of Alpha jogging behind him trailed into his ears. The puppy turned a quick glance back and barked. Alpha seemed to share his feelings, and she made the sound that she made when he did something that pleased her.

None of these thoughts prepared him for the roar of the largest explosion the puppy had ever experienced in its short life.

* * *

-Intermission-

* * *

Her ears ringing, Riza's eyes turned to the sky to the unmistakable sight of flames. Another detonation rocked the air. Black Hayate cowered, and Riza began to move. Whatever that bird-shaped thing in the sky was, it was travelling fast, and it was heading toward HQ, where Roy was located - probably sitting at his desk mulling over data that would provide him with a way to improve his image.

As she ran, Riza slipped her pistol into her hands. An even larger series of explosions expanded over East City's skies, causing repressed memories of the Ishval Massacre to crop up in Riza's mind. Roy was one of only two alchemists capable of such inflammations. While Roy's abilities allowed him to create and manipulate flames at the snap of a finger, the Flame Alchemist's powers weren't as tumultuous. They most certainly did not include explosions of such force. That property belonged to the alchemy of another.

Riza picked up her pace. Forceful explosions were the signature mark of the Crimson Alchemist, Solf J. Kimblee, who had been locked away for indiscriminate slaughter during the Ishval Massacre. Of course, all alchemists and soldiers had been part of the Ishvalan extermination. Kimblee was only specially incarcerated because he had gone after both approved _and_ non-approved targets.

If this _was_ who she thought it was, then it was certain that somehow Solf J. Kimblee had escaped prison, and - for some reason or another - had come flying toward East City on an aerial contraption.

Based on the scale of power she felt from the source of the thunderous blasts of fire in the sky, she was also certain that if this were Kimblee, the man must have somehow gotten hold of a philosopher's stone. An explosive gust shattered windows and knocked Riza off her feet as massive balls of fire filled half the city's airspace.

She grimaced as she picked herself up from the ground, her ears ringing again. Either the Crimson Alchemist was more powerful than she remembered, or the stone that he was given was of even greater calibre than the ones used for the Ishval Massacre; it was not impossible that another philosopher's stone or even something greater had been made. Worse, it seems that it had fallen into the hands of one of the most dangerous criminals in Amestris.

If this were the case, then even Roy might not be able to stand up to this opponent. Even with all the fearsome powers of Flame Alchemy in his hands, the Colonel hadn't been in open practice in years. It was not inconceivable that the Flame Alchemist's skills had atrophied over time.

Riza swore as the bird descended upon HQ before she could get there.

If anything happened to Roy before he accomplished his goals, she would _never_ forgive herself.

Half a kilometer back, Black Hayate slowly uncovered his head from where he had been cowering since the first of the explosions.

* * *

-Intermission-

* * *

Rooted on the bottom side of his bird by nature of his Chakra, Deidara laughed as the series of gorgeous flames flowered below him in mighty bursts of force and sound. His vision swam with flames and he could not help but smile at the view. It was beyond wonderful. It was Art!

"Deidara!" A voice sounded from the other side of his bird. "Didn't I tell you to land as inconspicuously as possible? _What the hell part of dropping bombs on the city is inconspicuous_?!"

"Deidara-san!" Pleaded another voice. "Please stop!"

"Why?" Deidara jutted his hands out above his head (or below since he was upside down) in a grand posture. "This is ART!"

He dropped several more arm-sizes birds, letting them fly to appropriate positions. "Deidara! If you-"

"KATSU!" Deidara yelled. The resulting explosion drowned out the children's complaints. It was a pity they couldn't appreciate his art. In fact, he'd never been able to find a single human being who appreciated his work to the same extent that he did. He liked the little brats but - regardless of whatever body they inhabited to make themselves seem larger than they sounded - they were just that: brats. And even they couldn't appreciate his art. The thought left him feeling hollow.

As they flew deeper into the city, Deidara strolled back up to the upper side of his bird. "Oy. Where exactly did you say this 'East City Headquarter' was again?"

Edward bore his eyes seriously into those of the self-proclaimed artist. "You're not going to bomb headquarters are you?"

Deidara gave a small shrug. "I might."

Ed frowned as his mind raced through several considerations. While he and Al were on this bird, they were completely under Deidara's control. It was as easy as being flipped upside down. Deidara apparently could stand on the bird's underside. They could not. Even if they could, the unusually familiar-looking blonde was much stronger than either of them. Ed's match against the artist had been more than just a childish challenge, it had also been a way to gauge Deidara's combat abilities. In fact, he was sure Deidara had been holding back. He was a man whose close-combat prowess might even be on par with those of King Bradley. On top of that, he was capable of incredible destructive force _and_ concentrated assassinations; the latter was proven with Cornello's murder, and a display of the former was just the issue at hand at the moment. While normally Ed might move to subdue this dangerous man, he knew that he didn't stand a chance. With all these considerations having run through the alchemist's head within the length of two seconds, Ed grit his teeth. "Look. Your explosions are impressive-"

"I know." Deidara grinned

"That's not the point. I don't know how you turn normal clay into half a kiloton of explosives. It doesn't look like alchemy to me, but whatever it is, it's incredibly dangerous and could kill a lot of people if managed badly."

Deidara smirked. "So?"

"Well it's obvious isn't it?" Ed sighed as if Deidara were being ridiculous. He was, but there really wasn't a good way to say that. "You want people to appreciate the art that you make right? If people are dead, they can't do that."

"He's right." Al chimed in metallically.

"Hmm." Deidara hummed. He knew what the kids were doing, and he almost felt bad for them. They were right of course. There was value in keeping alive his potential admirers. "You have a point.. but I haven't actually killed anyone so really there's nothing for you to complain about.. yet."

"Property damage is still-"

"I don't give a shit." Deidara gave a careless wave of his hand. "Now unless you want me to circle around in the sky forever, I'm going to land wherever the hell I want. Probably somewhere where I can scare lots of civilians."

Ed growled. "Headquarters is the square lining of buildings. It's the place with the most trees."

"Let me see.." Deidara scanned the landscape before pointing with a hand. "That one over there?"

"Yeah. Land in the courtyard and make sure we're in plain sight. After what you did, it's likely we've been perceived to be hostile. We need to show them that we're not."

Deidara shrugged as they landed. A large crowd of uniformed people surrounded them from various sides, guns held at the ready.

"Don't shoot!" Ed yelled loudly. "It's us! Edward Elric coming from Reole with my brother Alphonse. And this guy's Deidara. He's with us."

"Edward Elric!" A sharp voice cut through the crowd of soldiers, and in a matter of moments, Ed was staring into the displeased visage of Colonel Mustang - Flame Alchemist, administrator of East City, and angry superior. "Explain the situation."

Alphonse stood forward defensively. "It's not Ed's fault! We tried to stop him, but he wouldn't listen to us!"

"Alphonse Elric." Roy enunciated sternly. As he spoke, he continued to scrutinize the third arrival - the one whom Al was assigning blame to. "It is kind of you to step forward in your brother's defense. However, it was Ed whom I have asked to make the report."

"I'm sorry sir."

"That's fine. You and Ed will give me a full report in my office later." Roy turned his attention to Edward's look-alike - a rebellious teen if he ever saw one. "I am Colonel Roy Mustang, Flame Alchemist and administrator of East City. You must be Deidara."

"Yup." Deidara answered with a devil-may-care attitude.

Roy nodded, unfazed. "I assume you were the one responsible for the explosions over the city? What are your plans here?"

Deidara shrugged. "If you're asking whether or not I'm gonna kill anyone, the answer is no. I just want to get to know this place a bit better you know? Maybe show people some more of my art."

"I see. And what would you consider art, Deidara?"

Deidara's face lit up with a fanatic grin. "Art is the ephemeral. Art is explosions! Art is the fire that burns brilliantly and dies!"

"You mean this?" Roy raised a gloved hand dramatically. Deidara narrowed his eyes just as the dark-haired man snapped his fingers. One instant Deidara was staring into the grim countenance of one of those boring people who thought they could tell him what was right or wrong. The next, he was staring into a wall of flames. Sheens of apoplectic red and orange swirled against his vision, dancing illustriously in his eyes in one massive swell before fading away into nothingness.

His jaws dropped open speechlessly.

"It's not as forceful as the explosions you created over our skies, but its power remains intact - it _will_ incinerate anything in its vicinity." The Colonel pontificated. "In a visual sense, I believe it fulfills what you would deem art.. an explosion of flames as it were."

Deidara let out a breath of wonder as the image of the instantaneous flash of flames seared into his mind. He had no words to describe it. There was no warning. No trajectory to watch for. In some way or other, this Colonel Roy Mustang had filled the courtyard with a thick globe of flames that lasted all of two seconds. It was enough to shroud his entire vision, leaving only a trace of memory to the scene that had been painted. If the man had so wished, Deidara could have _died_. Even now, he could hear the sound of those flames roaring in his ears. The beauty of it was beyond words. Deidara let out another half-pant, a tear rolling down his cheek.

"Show-off." Ed muttered under his breath.

Not having heard the Fullmetal Alchemist's grumbling, Roy nodded minutely in satisfaction. For a fraction of a second, his eyes went up briefly over the three arrivals' heads to glimpse at the woman who was standing up behind a third-floor window with her gun trained carefully on the scene. Her aim was most likely locked onto the teen and self-proclaimed artist that stood before him. WIth a small smile, he turned and roamed his eyes over his subordinates that crowded around the area. "Back to your stations. There is still work to be done for the day."

The crowd dispersed and the Colonel turned back to the Elric brothers and their newest companion. "You three will follow me to my office. I want to hear a full detailed report of your accounts before you head back to Central."

* * *

-Author's Ramblings-

* * *

I am a stegosaurus!


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